Wednesday, May 20, 2009

magic tricks


once upon of time there was a magical kid named ezkiel who was a complete wizard. he knwe all kinds of sorcerry and mahgic tricks. when he was 1 year old he made his mom disappear and when he was 2 he turned his dad into a wii. he always played wii but he was sad cuz he couldnt make enough money selling rubies and jewels to buy some new wii games. the only game he had was original medal of honor.
one day he decided to use his powers to get some more money. the first thing he did was murder a adult because he knew he could use its blood for some potion. so he put a dictionary on top of a bear trap and then snuck into a hiding place behind a tree to wait for a adult. the first adult who saw the dictionary stepped right into his trap and was cut right in half like a total dickkkkkkkkkkkk. ezkiel was laughing but then he picked up hte blood and went back to his room. the next thing he needed was a monkey's dick. so he went to the zoo and hired a zoo keeper to cut off the dick for $20. the next thing he needed was hte hardest. he need a whole milk jug full of diarrhea from a baby. ezkiel didnt know any babies and he knew he couldnt make one. he went to the hospital and tried to collect some diarrhea from the babies but they all had on diapers.
the next thing he did was take off the diapers and then he told the babys to take a dump. only one of the babies named david did. the other ones just cried or slept. this made ezkiel made so he hired an inventor named dr. fucktubs to make a diarrhea machine. the machine was done in 2 hgours and hten ezkiel hooked it up to the asses of hte babies. everything was going totally good until all of hte sudden a bolt shot off the machine and killed a nurse. then the machine went bonkers!!!!!! bolts were flying and mini lightning and sparks and all kinds of scary shit. then suddenly the machine started to get real big and a smart adult yelled "go run you kids and nurses and get the babies and doctors run to! run you dicks!!!"
everyone ran but one adult and a kid were deaf so they never heard. all of the sudden the diarrhea machine exploded and every adult in the hospital died of diarrhea posioning. everyone was sad, except for the kids. a real nice kid had stole a bunch of cookie ice cream sandwiches from the hospital and gave them to the kids.
THE END

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

hey dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks


a lot of u dickkks proly thought that a predator got me or maybe even some smarty pants adult came and grounded me again. but guess what dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks and fans i was just having sex with a ton of babes. and even kmac got to have sex with some of them when i was sleeping or eating some pretzels and stuff.
i have been gone long from my website but its caus of the sex and its caus i was at the game last night and we won it! i know that everyone saw marty and he was awesome and that is why we will win the stanly cup!! everyone that plays hockey not for the devils is either a dickkkkkkkkkkkkkk or a wooooooooooooody! u can decide it!!
i decided to come back and make a cool post about what everyone likes and that is a iguana named quincy fuck.

one of the best times in the history of times is when quincy had his own tv channel and it was called FUCKKKKKKK TV. it was channel 402 and it always had a cool quincy logo on the bottom of the show. the channel was made by quincy and it had some cool shows of quincys and then also some news and some shows of king of queens. but the best show was extreme home makeoever and quincy was the host.

it was just like that show on abc but this show had quincy as the host. one episode was really nice. there was a poor family that looked like michael jordan who had just had their dad get exploded by a helicopter bomb. so it was just the mom and 2 kids who were boys. the mom was named TITS and the kids were called TOM and HORACE!
the first thing that quincy did was set their house on fire while they were still inside it!! then the cameras filmed the family running out the house fast. everyone was safe outside but then they forgot about the cat named STEVE! HE WAS DEAD AS A DICKKKKKKKKKKKKK! TOTAL BURNED! and quincy put the microphone by the window and you could hear the cat screaming PENISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS really loudly.
the next thing quincy did was set up a tent for them to live in while they made them a new house. it was a really great tent and had tons of space to lay down and even eat some chips. each kid got a bag of tostios to eat.
the next thing quincy did was buy a shotgun at a gun store. then he went around the neighborhgood and forced adults to join his construction team. then he made all the adults use their credit cards to buy cool shit for quincy and some wood boards to build a house.
they even bought him a gaming chair with a built in speaker.
after 6 months the adults had built a pretty cool house that had 5 rooms in it and a roof. quincy was sitting in his gaming chair the wholle time.
then came the day! and a huggggggggge bus was in front of the house so the family could not see it. quincy woke them up at 6 in the morning from the tent and told the dickkkkks to look at their house.
the bus driver was smiling and the adults kept telling the bus to move. but quincy was laughing. every body got quite and looked at quincy laughing. then he clapped his hands the bus driver gave a middle finger to every body in the town. all of the sudden quincy blasted off with a rockey pack and gave the middle finger to every loser in the town. he grabbed a hot babe on his way up and laughed. the bus driver pushed the button and the whole house exploded into a million pieces and even the tent! 10 adults got killed and even a gerbil that was just watching from the street. the bus driver died too but he did a favor. in 2 days everyone in the town found out that TITS was a drug lord and her kids didnt even own that cat named Steve that burned to a crisp.
quincy spent the rest of his week on jupiter with 60 babes and just had some sex and watched cartoons for 15 hours a day. if a babe complained he would just make her go hang out in the big red spot. after that no babes ever complained or stopped touching his dick

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Jason is here!!



Anonymous
said...

Jeff write another story about Jason, the kid born with a full beard.

March 7, 2009 3:55 PM


Chip Coffey said...

Jeffrey,

I was looking at your awesome site. You have amazing talents!

A while back you mentioned a puppet named Jason. I would love to learn more about this Jason.

-Chip
-paranormal investigator.

March 6, 2009 11:19 AM


these are some fan mails i got and most of my fans like jason and want to hear about him. so i found another jason story and here it is. thanks fans!

jason was the only kid ever to be 2 and have a full beard. he looked like a bald man when he was 2 but he had a full beard. and he drank his moms tits for breakfast and lunch and dinner. he was a cool 2 year old kid and sometimes he even just take a shit on the ground in his house even though he knew how to take a adult shit in a toilet. jason had a nice life but then he turned 15!

when jason was 15 his beard was 4 foot long and his dick was 2. babes loved it but all the boys hated it. jasons best friend was named victor. it is actualy funny that jason even talked to victor cause he had NO beard and a zero foot dickkkkkkkkk! but they still were buds and jason would let victor watch him play wii. one day victor had a great idea that would change his life.

they needed some money but they didnt want to work to much so they thought of a awesome idea! jason decided that they would bury adults pets for money. and they would also give a funeral for the pet. it was called dead pets. the next day they made some nice suits to wear and they also made some id cards out of plastic. then they stole a shovel from a old man and walked down the street.

they knocked on every door and no adults would pay them to bury there pets. victor was dumb and he just got sad and cried. jason was smart and he knew what to do. jason bought a gun and then at night him and victor broke into every adults house and beat there pets to death!!! victor cut a snake in half with a ninja sword, jason smashed hermit crabs with a slege hammer and victor totally burned down 3 fish tanks. that night they killed 40 cats! and 10 dogs!! the next day they made 4 million dollars!!!!!!!

two weeks later jason was swimming in a pool with 90 babes on a island. 10 babes were in charge of food and 30 babes were in charge of his beard and 59 babes were in charge of his dick and one babe was in charge of cleaning up all of his poop. she was a totally ugly babe and not even a babe. she was a girl. no one ever knew that jason killed all the cats and dogs. one day a cop named Danny came up to jason and pulled out a gun.

"i know you killed pets!" said danny

"fuck animals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed jason

all of the sudden a flock of swans flied out of jasons beard and right into dannys dick!!!!! he tried to shoot the swans but instead he shot his dick right off!!!!!!!

from that day on danny always peed right in his pants caus he had no dick. jason would always laugh about it and then just comb his beard some more. his beard is red and pretty long.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKS


ME AND KMAC JUST DESTORYED SOME DICKS ON TEAM SLAYER ON H3!!!!!!! JUSTIN K IS OVER AND BROGUHT A 360 AND WE ARE REALLY TRYING TO KILL SOME PEOPLE ALL NIGHT! I WILL TRY TO KILL SOOO MANY PEEPS BUT I WILL ALSO TRY NOT TO GET KILLED. IF U EVER PLAYED THIS GAME U SHOULD KNOW THAT IT IS GOOD TO KILL AND BAD TO DIE.
I AM GONNA MAKE A BOOB POST SOON!!!!!!!! DICKSSKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Friday, March 6, 2009

great sex

fans, i made some quincy posts and real narwhal storys but now i am going to do a famous babe post. LOL

they are many babes that i like that are alive right now. A.T. / L.S. / S.M and i also like a wonderful babe. she has a real hot face and she also is famous and she even has some boobs. she is my ultimate babe and her name is ashley tisdale. if u dont know who she is then u are a DORKZOID who probaly loves to be gay 24/7. if u know who she is then i dont have to explain the sex that i want to make with her.
she was on the suite life of zack and cody and when i watch it i always wanted to change the name of the show to I HAVE A WOODY! she is also in high school musical and she is even more hotter in that movie. she was born on july 2 1985 and she is older than me but on her site she said that she loves all of her fans. this is a real babe story about when i met her last year and she wanted to make some sex with me.
"HEY! hey cute kid come over to my nice car for a minute" said a babe
"who me?" said me
"yah i saw you playing kickball and i think u are a hot man."
"i am a kid" said me
"thats ok" said the babe
i walk over to the car and it is real nice but then i see the babes face! it is ashley tisdale!!!!!
all of the sudden my woody is totally moving and i start to put on my babe moves.
"what do u want" said me

"i need to know how to get to the wal-mart" ashley tisdale said
i hurry up and get in her car and scream for her to floor it! she is scared and doesnt know why but i push her foot down with my hand and make her fly. she is still scared and i tell her that some robot kids spotted me and we need to go to her house now! she understands and drives me.

"how old are u?"
"i am 12 (i was actually 11) but i could drive this car better than ur parents."
she seemed like she was thinking about if i like to have sex.
"yes" said me
"yes what?????" said ashley
"i like sex" said me
she was sooooo embarrassed.
"i know ur thoughts" said me cause i sometimes know what people are thinking even if they dont say it or write it down.
i told her to drive me to her house. when we got to her house i saw that it was a mansion. there were 50 stateus of awesome lions everywhere. i took a picture of one and it is my desktop background now. we went into her house and the first thing that i did was tell her parents to leave. they didnt try to argue with me caus i showed them my sword that i brought in my pack. ashely was real impressed and made me a ice cream cone and a slushie. she has a dairy queen in her house. after i ate my ice cream and slushie i told her we should have some sex now caus i had to be back home caus i had baseball practice.
she clapped her hands and all of the sudden the dairy queen turned into her bed! next she put on a swim suite and then she told me to take my pants off! i was getting real charged. i said that i love her and then i went to grab her boobs. but then it happened!

all of the sudden her pap pap ran into the room with a ninja sword on and full armor. i couldnt kill him with my sword caus i took my pants off. he tried to cut off my dickkk but i ran like a cat out hte winodw and into her pool. ashley tisdale's parents are total dickkkkks and they had tigers living in the pool. i was able to kill one to death with a noodle. but then one bit me.
then i woke up in the hospitol. i looked at my arm and it was totally gone!!!! then i passed out. the next thing that happened as i woke up on a ufo! a alein had gave me a robot arm that was made special for kids. so from that day on i had a robot arm. i still have it. and i can throw a basbeall threw a human and i can punch a kid 400 miles and i have a laser setting but i never used it.ashley tisdale is a babe but her parents are total dick fuck dorkzoids! but now i have a robot arm. i wish i had a robot dickkkkk.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Marcus


thanks for the votes fans!!! narwhal story! now!

once upon time there was a narwhal who lived in the ocean. he lived in the cold part near santa claus and he always swam around. when the narwhal was born he named himself Marcus. his dad named Tom hated the name marcus but his dad hated it more when marcus took a razor and cut off tom's dickk!!!!!!!! his dad didnt know it but marcus was a super narwhal.
a super narwhal is a narwhal who can do awesome shit. here is some shit marcus can do without even trying hard:
swim 200 mph
jump out of the water
hold his breath until he is dead
murder a whole family or school of fish
fuck any babe
these are good powers. and all of the scientists knew it too. one day a scientist named doctor pussy found out that marcus was awesome and he said he would catch marcus. the next day he caught marcus. then marcus was in a zoo. marcus hated the zoo caus he could only swim 10 feet and they never let him fuck any babes.
one day a cool kid who really apreciated narwhals was at the zoo with his dumb family. the kid was named jay and he was really amazingly cool. his dad was there and another lady who thought she was his mom. jay made a awesome plan with some big kids who were almost ninjas. these ninjas were really cool too and they were tall, and knew about kaarate and they smoked. the first thing jay did was pay another kid 20 bucks to run naked into a room to make adults chase him. when the kid did it jay and his ninjas sprang into action! the first ninja grabbed jay's dad by his dickkk and chucked him into a shark tank. jay paid the sharks 20 bucks to totlly eat his fucking head!!!!! the dad was gone. next was tracey and 2 ninjas paid a janitor 400 bucks to run over her with a lawnmower!!! LOL her fat arms got caught in the blade and she morphed her fat into a gremlin!!!!!! the gremlin ran up the janitor and sucked all the blood out of his dick and his body!!!!!!!!!!! next the gremlin ran up to a kid and was like 'hey kid u want some cool twix?'
the kid was just a kid and he wanted some twix so he said ya. then the gremlin totally took out a machine gun and murdered the kid. he never got twix. the kid was 8 and his name was washington.
then the gremlin ran towards jay. but jay was ready he smiled and took out a magic canon. he huried and fired a canonball right at the gremlin's vagina!!! the gremlin smiled back and caught the canonball and then whipped it right into jays dick. it hit him right in the dick part of his dick. and that was hurting so bad. the gremlin was laughing and took out a rope to hang jay. just when the gremlin was going to hang jay it happened!
TOOT TOOT TOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!
a brave kid named kmac played a note on a flute that marcus the narwhal heard. all of the sudden marcus jumped out his cage and cut jay down from the rope on his neck. the gremlin was ready and threw a grenade filled with piss at kmac. all of the piss got in his mouth and he chocked until he died from piss posoining. marcus took his tusk and slammed it into the gremlins eye. the gremlin was dead and so was jays step mom who is the gremlin.
jay was so happy and he hugged marcus and got on him to ride him back to the ocean. but marcus didnt even budge a foot!!!!! jay checked his pulse and he knew it was done! marcus was dead. he was dead caus narwhals cant breath. jay was so mad and he should have known it. he was sad and took kmacs flute and played a whale song. all of the sudden marcus came awake and was moving around and then he started dancing and singing!!!!! all of the sudden he got a humungus boner and then strated bouncing like a pogo stick around and he bounced all the way to the ocean with his boner stick!!!!!! jay went to and eventually he used some fins and lived in the water too. they were best friends and always had fun swimming and playing wii and going to the mall with babes. jay cleaned off the piss from the flute before he played that song too.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

QUINCY BIRTHDAY


FANS YOU VOTED FOR A POST ABOUT QUINCY SO I REMEMBERED ANOTHER QUINCY STORY.

one day quincy woke up in his room. he was totally naked except for some jean shorts he got for christmas. there were 4 human women around him and they were sleeping very quitely. quincy decided to play a trick on the babes. he found a big stick and put a hook on it. then he lifted each babe up by there underpants and hung them on the fan in his room! LOL when all the babes were on the fan he clapped his hands and it happened! nickelback was blasting in the fan turned on going 500 miles per hour!!!!!!!!!! the babes didnt even have a chance to scream stop. all of the sudden one babe flew off the fan and went right into a giant dagger that quincy taped to the wall for safety. two of the babes flew off and crushed there heads together. one of the heads rolled away and the other head stayed on the ground. the last babe tried to hang on but she flew off and got ripped in 40 pieces by the fan! the other head on the ground was still alive. but it was crying and couldnt move. that head was named susan. quincy was laughing and he whistled. all of sudden a robot roomba came into the room and vaporized the head with a laser beam! the rest of susan died the next day.
quincy was feeling so happy but then he got pissed!!!!! he forgot that today was his birthday and those babes were a birthday present for him fro mhis best friend named chester! he forgot his birthday and he forgot to fuck the human women. he tried to find some parts of the babes and maybe thought he could make one super babe. but he couldnt find any boobs he liked. this was one of his worst birthdays. he called up his neighbor named mr. dickkk cause he wanted to have some fun. mr. dickk said he was tired and couldnt go out for beers or to fuck some human women. mr. dickk is a half robot half dolphin. quincy was even more fuckkkked now! so he decided to make a master plan. he went out to the store and made a human buy him a gun. then quincy rang mr.dickkks door and shot him right in the head. then he got some ice cream cake and chester took away the babes and bought him an extra nunchuck for multiplayer games.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

FANS POLL

fans i made a poll that you can vote on what stories u want me to make up for my website. just pick your favorite kind of story and i will make some cool stories. whatever one has the most votes on that day is what i will write about. have fun being my fan but dont be a dickkk or talk to an adult unless they are asking you what u want for ur birthday.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

MR HARVERD TOOK A HUMUNGUS SHIT!!!!!!!!


today i had to take a big piss. and i had to take it real bad. so i was at school and i left the class to go take my piss. i walked in the bathroom and you know what i see! i see a total dickkkkkk taking a piss! but he was taking a piss with his pants down to the shoes!!!!!!! i saw his legs and i saw his butt cheeks on the bottom!!!!! it was a fuck dick named devin fuckin price!!!!!!!!!!!
i was about a second away from taking out a plasma rifle and firing a plasma charge into his dick hole!!! but hte dick saw i was there and pulled up his pants! i didnt even say a word but my brain was saying all kinds of awesome stuff! it was saying to make a fire on his head and to take a baseball bat and hit him in the head with it and then stick a hockey stick right up his assss! a goalie stick!!!!!!!! on the shooting end!!!!!
i went in the toilet to take my piss caus i was scared that devin was a total faget and would show his dick to me and try to trick me to touch it! i knew better.
i was taking a piss when i found something that was total bullshit!!!!!!! next to me someone was taking a humongus shit!!!!!!!! and it was a adult shit caus i heard a lot of water drops and they were loud like a lot of big turds like a adult would shit out! a big adult!!!!!! and there was alot of sounds and gronts so loud. i hurried and pissed but then i almost got out when the adult was done taking a shit! the door opened and i was soo scared it smlled like someone light a outhouse on fire that was so full of dead kids that smelled like jessie heaton. LOL. the adult was MR. HARVERD AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A ELEPHANT WHO COULD TAKE A HUMUNGUS SHIT. his face was all red and proly caus he knew i heard his grunts and i heard the water sounds of how big his shit was!!!!!!!! i just was trying to be nice and told him i wouldnt tell anyone that i heard him. he was laughing and i dont even know why. what a total weirdo! sometimes if someone gets hit by a car it is funny.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

corey


once upon a time there was a totally cool kid named corey. he had cool clothes, 2 wiis , his own tiger and tons of great babes. one day after he killed a loin with his dick he went to dairy queen to get a coke. when he got there he made a adult buy him a coke and the dumb adult did it! corey sat on a bench with 5 vbabes and drinked a coke. he drank it so fast that he acidentaly swolled the ice!!! he didnt realy care though cuz he had 2 wiis and some babes. when he got to his parents house he made his dad and mom go to sleep in the living room so that he could make some sex with 2 of these baebes in there bed room. corey got in and put his dick on the girl. all of the sudden she turned into a ice sickle!!!!!!! he froze the babe! the other babe grabbed his dick and her whole arm was frozed!!!!!!!!!! dickkkkkkkkkk! then he smacked her arm and it exploded and she died. coreys dick was hurting so bad cuz it was a freeze dick. he could make any babes or lakes or oceans or adults turn into ice!!!!!!!
that night he went around and touched everyone with his dick! first people were touching it but then they got scared so he tricked them by putting a real cool glow stick on the end of it so more people wanted to touch. after a while he drank tons of beers and like 3 or 4. then he had to take a piss. so he forgot about his dick and went to grab it. all of the sudden his hands froze!!!!!!!!then he tried to pee with no hands but his piss turned into ice and went straight into his eye ball!!!!!!!!!!!! his dick piss was frozen to his eye ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after that he had to wait until summer came so he could melt away his dick piss. but then his dick broke off and his hands. everyone made fun of him and he only had 1 babe. but that babe was blind and she couldnt feel dicks or hands caus she was dead.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

QUINCY FANS

all of quincys friends knew that he liked to fuck human women but humans didnt know caus quincy hated humans. quincy hated humans caus he worked at sears. and humans would always come to him to buy there shit. but quincy was smart. he would always take a piss in there bags. and then when the human got home the piss would do either 2 things. if it was a man human then the piss would stay as piss and make his clothes and shit smell like shitt and piss. if it was a human woman then the piss would turn into an elf and then it would send an email to quincy to tell him there was a human woman to fuck. quincy got the email on his cell and he would get in his hellicopter and fly to the fuckzone. usually he would fly into the house and chop off the roof so he could have more fuckzone!!!!!
when he got to the house he would be nice to hthe human woman and usully he would bake a cake or sometimes he would put some oil in there car. after that he would clear the house of human men and also pets. the only kind of pet that quincy liked was a 8 year old kid named saul that he kept in a hot tub by his bed. when the house was clear quincy would take off his jeans and then make sure that the babe saw his dick. his dick was a wierd dick and only one person ever saw it and lived to talk about it. but i never even met that person so i dont know what it would be like. but this human woman saw his dick and it was made out of complete metal and paintted red with a flame. after quincy had some sex with the woman then he usully would just cook some pork chopps for him to eat. after he made some sex he always loved those.
sears was not the only place were quincy worked. he also worked a secrey agent for the spys! he woudl go around and try to find magic crystals. these crystals would give him the power he needs to fuck a human woman but he would never tell the spys about it. he kept all his crystals in a secret jar that was made out of metal so that no one could get it. one day a dumb adult did get it and they opened the jar! but the adult was dumb and a adult so they didnt know that a warrior kid was on watch. SHOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!! A 40 FOOT SWORD WENT RIGHT INTO HIS EAR! the warrior kid took him to the hospitol but he died from cancer in a day.
one time when quincy was 4 years old he wrote a whole movie and named it FUCK YOU! he bought a model airplane and put his cat named tom in the seat and flew it into the sun. these are some of the things quincy always does but there is one thing he only did one time!
one day quincy had a birthday and he was 11 years old. he invited everyone in the world and even a fat girl named melissa jentie! LOL! everyone ws claspping and dancing around and some of hte people were even having some sex. his best friend chester came to the party and he did a magic trick. he clapped his hands and a horse dragged in a plastic bag with a dead human woman in it. then chester tyed the woman to a pole and pulled off her underwear. quincy was laughing and he even took off his sunglasses to see the action. chester came over to quincy and gave him a hug and then sprinked some maghical ferry dust on quincys glasses. and then quincy put them back on. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF HTE SUDDEN QUINCY GOT A BONER THAT WAS 90000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 FEET LONG AND IT SLAMMEED RIGHT INTO THE VAGINA OF THE HUMAN WOMAN AND SHE WOKE UP!!!!!! THEN BABYS JUST STARTED COMING OUT OF HER VAGINA AND DANCING AND SINGING A COOL SONG! QUINCY MADE HER HAVE BABYS AND IT TOOK 1 SECOND. AFTER 3 YEARS SHE WAS DONE HAVING THE BABYS AND SHE HAD MADE 10000000 KIDS. all of the kids were dead in 2 days. accept for 1 kid. and he was named martin brodeur. he grew up in an igloo and then one day he learned how to be a devils goalie. 20 years later he was the best person in the univerrse!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Quincy


FANS I KNOW YOU LIKE QUINCY AND I WILL MAKE A STORY OF QUINCY AGAIN! JUST FOR THE FANS!!!!!! THANKS!!!!!!

MELTING POT


it is a friday and i should be so happy but i feel like i am a total dickkkkkkk with his dick on fire! a fire dick!!!! it is caus it is tracy schleirns birthday today and she is turning 400 years old!!!! she looks like a old bitch and she acts like a total bitch. caus she is in bitchzone 24/7!!!!! my dad peter said right when i get home that we are going to the melting pot restarant and i totally hate the place! it is packed with tons of adults and they sit and eat gay cheese like a total fagot!!!!!!! derrick is not even coming caus he is so far from a adult and i wish that my dad knew that i am a kid and will never be a adult. caus i dont wanna go either. kev i will call when it is done. the food is not even food! they have no chicken fingers! no burger! no fries!!!!! it is dick ass bitch shit cheese! and dumb fondew!!!! here is a exact story of what will happen!

DAD: ok kids it is moms birthday and she can get what she wants.
BITCH HEATHER: she isnt our real mom
ME :) : u are right but u are a slut dick toucher!
TRACEY BITCH: GIVE ME EVERYTHING IN THE OVEN! I AM SOOO FAT AND SOOO BITCHZONE THAT I WANNA EAT THE WHOLE PLACE!!!!!!!!!

that is when i will say "night cover" and i will cloak myself.
DAD: where is jeffrey!?
my dad does not know but i just took a jar of acid and poured it into his fondue. then i blew a whistle that only dogs can hear. and some lambs. my dad takes a big bite of a fondue and he bursts on fire!!!!! and heather is screaming. tracey schleirn is just eating like a little piglet. and she uses the fire to cook a cheese piece! WHAT A BITCH!!!!! that is when the dogs get there and so do some lambs. the dogs start to bite all the adults and tracey's head is bitten off by a dog with a human head that is from a black person! heather is escaping cuz she is kind of like a kid and the dogs dont pick up her smell. then all the sudden 50 lambs bite off her mouth and chew on her face!!!!!
after it is done then i blow the whistle again and the lead lamb with a saddle comes to me and i ride on him to wendys and everyhone aat the place is my friend and they all like me. u proly think that a lamb has a worse smell than a dog so they couldnt know they heather was a kid. but u are wrong and a dickkkkkkk! caus these lambs were robot lambs and could smell and frozen peice of shit from 9 gazillion miles!! and were made to kill kids that are almost adults caus they touch dicks.
then the cops get to the melting pot and they dont see anyone there.
WHERE ARE ALL THE ADULTS??? says a dumb cop named roger.
MAYBE THEY WENT TO WATCH A RATED R MOVIE says a dumb cop who is named don.
all of the sudden a million rabbits fly into the restarant and keep punching the cops right in the dickkkk.
OUCH! MY DICK IS HURTING SO BADLY! says don.
there dicks get soo sore and then they get huge and explode!!!!!!! DICK JUICE IS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!! then it is quite and no sound. no more cops and no more adults. all the kids can be safe and come out. i am smiling like the sun and kmac hooks up a wii for some sad kids to play. the next day i get picked to be president of the world. i make a rocket and put all the adults in it and luanch it at the moon!!! it explodes and all the adults die. then i make the river made of chocolate and i also make a slide that goes from new york to the moon so a kid can have fun and look at some dead adults. all the kids like me and even some babes have a sex with me some times. :) THE END

Thursday, February 5, 2009

magic franky


one day on a full moon a magic narcat named franky was born in a manger. franky was a super animal caus he was the best combination. he was a narcat. that means he is my favorite animal and kmacs favorit one. his mom was a narwhal and his dad was a full grown bobcat. his mom was named mary and his dad was named walter. when he was a little narcat walter taught him to groom his fur and run very fast and also how to murder sharks or other evil predetors so he could eat them. his mom taught him how to cook the dead stuff and how to clean up when he got done murdering and eating them.
one day franky took his mom to the vagina doctor cause her vagina hole was hurting. it was from a accident with a fire hose. the doctor was a man and his parents named him doctor vagina. doctor vagina looked at her vagina and was totally scared!!! she had a disease and she was going to die in 3 minutes. franky was crying but his mom said it was OK and dont cry. then 3 minutes was up but she didnt die!! franky was happy but doctor still said she was going to die so soon. franky was angry and murdered the doctor and his hole family but teh cops couldnt find out it was him caus he wore batting gloves to kill the family.
his mom was driving him home and all of the sudden her vagina caught on fire and she burned to her death. and then the car flew off the road and ran over a bobcat. franky was crying and thought the bobcat was his dad named walter. it was a bobcat and his dad named walter. his head was cut off and he could barely talk.
franky was crying but his dad said to be happy and he said he loved him. and right before he exploded he told franky how to get a boner. the next day every girl in the whole town had a birth of a baby and all them were named harrison. every baby was a boy and named harrison. franky was smiling the whole time.

ANONYMOUS

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jesus, you are a little moron, aren't you?

JESUS, YOU ARE A BIG DICKKKKKKKKK, AREN'T YOU?! ADULT!!!

Patch Adams said...

handicapped people FUCKIN SUCKKK. apparently so does 'anonymous' what a little jizz stain

PATCH THANKS FOR UR HELP! YOU ARE A GOOD FAN! :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

JASON FERRIS = LAZY DICK!!!!!!!!


kmac u never should have won today you dorkzoid!!!!!!!!!! jason ferris is such a dick fucker and he is why we lost to you!!! this kid is soooooooo bad at basketball!!!! mrs. chervnek gets mad if you dont pass it to all the kids and even if a kid is a slow dick fuck! most kids can catch a ball and make some shots but jason ferris is such a fuck!!!! ALL HE DOES IS SIT AROUND LIKE A FUCK!! he cant even reach the hoop on a shot AND HE CANT EVEN CATCH A PASS MOST OF THE TIME CAUS IT HITS THE METAL ON HIS WHEELCHAIR!!!!! MOST KIDS COULD USE SOME CROTTCHES OR SOMETHING TO MOVE AROUND BUT HE CANT CAUS HE HAS A DISESASE OR SOMETHING. HE WILL NEVER BE GOOD AT BASKETBALL CAUS HE'LL PROBLY ALWAYS BE SICK AND NOT EVEN BE ALIVE FOR ENOUGH TIME TO LEARN TO BE OK AT IT.
i think a presedent should make a rule that kids need to be able to shoot and catch a basketball or else they dont have to be passed to. and he should also have to wear his gym shorts and shirt!!!!! if i forget my stuff then i loss points caus chervnek is a DICK TOUCHER!!!!!!! jason dick wheel chair fuck gets to wear his jeans and dumb button shirt every time!!!!! WHAT A DICK!!!!!!!! IT ISNT FAIR THAT HE HAS A WHEELCHAIR AND CAN GET OUT OF GYM CLOTHES AND ALSO NOT HAVE TO RUN THE MILE!!!!!

Friday, January 30, 2009

TONIGHT



KMACS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM PROBALY TAKING MY WII AND SOME OF MY GAMES AND MAYBE 2 NUNCHUCKS. BILL COME!!!!!!. WE ARE GONNA GET FEDDERICOS AND WATCH DEVS WITH KMACS DAD. I HOPE MAYBE THAT HE GIVES ME SOME BEERS AND MAYBE WE CAN GET WILD. THE DEVS ARE PLAYNG THE GAY GAY PENGIUNS AND WE ARE GONNA DICK PUNCH SIDENY CROSBEY LIKE A TOTAL DORKZOID! MOST KIDS ARE SACRED OF A BEER BUT I AM ALWAYS READY TO DRINK ONE IF A ADULT IS SO DUMB TO GIVE ME ONE. KMACS DAD IS ALWAYS GIVIN A BEER TO TRY TO US. MY BROTHER ALEX ALWAYS TELLS ME THAT BEER IS SO GOOD BUT I AM TOO DUMB TO KNOW. BUT I THINK I KNOW AND HE ALWAYS HAS BABES SO MAYBE SOME BABES WILL COME TO ME IF I GET SOME BEER WHEN I AM OLDER. BUT STILL NOT A ADULT! THE ONLY THING I HOPE IS THAT FAT BILL DOESNT EAT ALL THE FEDERICOS AND IF HE DOES THEN WE WILL MAKE HIM PLAY WII FIT UNTIL HE LOSES 100 POUNDS OR IF HE FALLS OVER AND DIES CUZ HE IS FAT. HE WOULD TURN INTO A GHOST AND HANT KEVS HOUSE BUT PROB JUST EAT ALL THE FOOD!!!

MS. TOLLER = BITCHZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THERE ARE THINGS THAT I HATE!!!!!!! AND MY FANS KNOW THAT IT IS MOSTLY ADULTS!!!!!! BUT MY FANS DONT KNOW THAT I ALSO HATE TEACHERS!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE DICKS!!!!! AND BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!! AND DICK BITCH FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICKKKKKKKKKKKS!!!!
GO PROOF READ YOUR OWN DICK!! MRS. TOLLER IS A BITCH FROM BITCHZONE CASTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIFERENT KIDS WRITE DIFFERENT STORIES IN DIFERNET WAYS!!!!!!! NOT ALL KIDS ARE CRAZY AWSEOME WRITERS!!!!!! SOME KIDS ARE JUST NOT GOOD AT A WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEY ARE GOOD AT OTHER STUFF! MAYBE THEY ARE GOOD AT GAMING OR CAN MAKE A AWESOME WEBSITE WITH TONS OF FANS OR THROW A BASEBALL 100 MILES OR EVEN BURN DOWN A WHOLE TOWN!!!!! YOU DONT NEED TO WRITE TO HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!! AT BURGER KING YOU PUSH BUTTONS AND MAKE FRIES! AND IF U PLAY BASBEALL YOU JUST NEED TO THROW AND HIT!!!!! I AM NEVER WRITING ANOTHER DUMB COMPARE PAPER AGAIn! I WILL BE A BASBALL PLAYER AND NEVER HAVE TO WRITE!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Michael Phelps story

FANS, HERE IS MY DONE PAPER! THANKS! DICKSKKKKKKKKKKKKKS LOL

Jeffrey Paswick
Mrs. Toller
English 7
January 30, 2009

Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps is a world famous swimmer from Maryland and he is 23 years old. He was born in Baltimore and weighs 200lbs. He is most like a narwhal because narwhals are fast and so is Michael Phelps. In my story I will tell you about how Michael Phelps is like a narwhal and why.
Michael Phelps was born on June 30, 1985 in Baltimore, Maryland (Wikipedia). He is 6’4 feet tall and is 200 lbs. But he wasn’t that big when he was born. He is kind of like a narwhal because of that. Because narwhals are small when they are babies and then they grow big. Michael Phelps was about 2 foot tall and weighed like 30 lbs when he was born. When a narwhal is born it is 5 feet and is 175lbs (Enchanted Learning). That means that Michael Phelps is like a narwhal but not height wise and not when a narwhal is a adult.
Michael Phelps is a really good swimmer. He won swimmer of the year award 2006-2008 (Wikipedia). He can swim fast and so can a narwhal. They both like water a lot. But actually a narwhal is faster and a narwhal lives in the water. Michael Phelps lives in a house like a human. A narwhal can breathe underwater for 7 to 20 minutes (Enchanted Learning). Michael Phelps can breathe underwater for maybe 2 minutes and if he tried for 7 he would probably die because it has feelings and can be mad. When a narwhal is threatened it will ram its tusk into an other fish or a hunter/evil thing. Michael Phelps would need a sword , gun or a sharp knife to kill someone or another animal.
Michael Phelps also went to the University of Michigan for school and he even was in the Olympics in 2004 and 2008. He won eight gold medals in it. He was a college kid in Michigan and he learned about how to swim and read (Wikipedia). A narwhal cannot go to the University of Michigan because it doesn’t have ocean access. It has a big lake, but narwhals can’t read books and they can’t even fit into a classroom. Plus they would die from not being in the water.
Narwhals are very vocal creatures. As is Phelps, he spokesperson for many products; Rosetta Stone, Guitar Hero, Speedo. Narwhals are very social creatures. Phelps has been romantically linked to Carrie Underwood, Nichole Johson (2007 Miss California USA runner-up) and supermodel Lily Donaldson. The most noticeable trait about a narwhal is its long tusk. The most obvious thing about Phelps is the gold medals. The tooth is about 8 feet long. Phelps won 8 gold medals! Michael Phelps is sometimes bad and drinks beer. And then even some other times he will drink a beer and drive a car. A narwhal lives in the ocean so it can’t drive and it only will drink water (Hancock). A narwhal never drove a car and drank some beer.
There are a lot of good comparisons on Michael Phelps. In conclusion, Michael Phelps is really good and he is most like a narwhal more than anything else.

Bibliography
“Michael Phelps”. Wikipedia.com. 26 Jan 2009.
“Narwhal”. http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/whales/species/Narwhal.shtml. 26 Jan 2009.
David Hancock. “Olympic Champ Sentenced For DUI“.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/11/08/national/main654380.shtml. 26 Jan 2009.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

quincy


once upon a time there was a magical iguana named quincy and he was a reptile and he worked at sears. he had scales and also had green skin. quincy was like almost all iguanas but one thing was different. and that thing was that he liked to fuck human women. this sounds like a fake thing but it is not. quincy had a best friend who is named chester who is a rhino and is also a magician. quincy and chester would always go out to there friends houses and drink some beers. one night after quincy drank 2 beers he almost died and then he saw chesters sister who is a cat and is named pam. quincy tried to make a fuck with pam but he was hurt real bad. he didnt know that pam was actually wering a mask and she really is a cactus. quincy got cactus prickers in his dick and one was even up his dick hole. LOL quincy was better in a day after he met a dick doctor named dr.boner to patch his dick with some glue.
most iguanas dont have a dick. but quincy had 1. after he fucked pam the cat who was actualy a cactus he said he never would fuck a plant or a cactus again. and then he only fucked human women. the next day he went to tj maxx and saw 40 babes to fuck. he played the piano for 2 days straight and all these babes came around to see his dick. after 2 more days he stopped playing and then told everyone to be quite. everyone was quite and then he said it was hard to pick a babe to sex so he said he would let chester pick 1. chester picked a human woman named wendy. and then quincy had a fuck with her. the next day chester and quincy died. but not from oldness. they died caus they comitted suicide.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Michael Phelps Story


i had to write a story about michael phelps and compare him to something for english. the paper is due to turn in on friday. fans! leave some help!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

fans

I just want to give some props to my fans. here are some fan mails:

Anonymous
said...

woody's are fuckin sweeeeeet

January 9, 2009 5:15 PM

THANKS MAN! BUT I AM NOT A FAGET! BUT THANKS FOR BEING A FAN! :)

Anonymous said...

fuck you!

January 6, 2009 9:42 AM

YOU ARE A DORKZOID! AND A DICKK! AND A TOTAL FUCK! AND A DICKKKKKKKKKK!

Bri said...

jeff are u allowed to come tonight?????? txt me or call

December 31, 2008 8:39 PM

SORRY BRI, I DIDNT SEE THESE FAN MESSAGE TILL TODAY. I THINK I WAS BUSY



EMAIL FROM A FAN:

----- Reply ----

From: JEFFREY PASWICK <jeffreypaswick@yahoo.com>
To: Leslie Fezchern <lfezmom1972@roadrunner.net>
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2008 4:31:15 PM
Subject: Re: Jesus Loves You

LESLIE! THANKS FOR BEING A FAN! BUT I THINK U ARE A ADULT AND THAT MEANS YOU ARE A DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! MY WEBSITE IS COOL AND I HAVE TONS OF FANS AND DONT READ MY WEBSITE IF YOU HATE IT. YOU PROLY DONT UNDERSTAND IT CAUS YOU ARE A ADULT! TRY BEING A KID!
I HATE WHEN ADULTS TELL ME MY SITE IS BAD BUT I LOVE WHEN ADULTS GET STRUCK BY LIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!! DORKZOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----- Original Message ----
From: Leslie Fezchern <lfezmom1972@roadrunner.net>
To: Jeffrey Paswick <jeffreypaswick@yahoo.com>
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2008 9:18:17 AM
Subject: Jesus Loves You

Jeffrey or whoever writes this blog,
It saddens me to know that our world has come this far. I came across your blog today and I was completely astounded at the content. I really hope that you are not a 12 year old boy from New Jersey. Hopefully you are a much older warped person who has simply gone down the wrong path in your life. I can only pray that you will come to find your true purpose in life.

Keeping you in my prayers,

Leslie Fezchern

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"
- Romans 3:23














good cereal


hey dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks
i like to eat cereal but i hate when adults give me shit to eat cereal!
tracey schleirn is a bitch adult and she always gives me shit cereal!

these are my favs for cereal:

captin crunch - i like capntin crunch and its good to eat
trix - good to eat and most adults are dicks and think its good for you caus the fruits!!!!!!!! DICKKS!

corn pops - these are good! and they look like a piss shit rock!

i also like to eat shock tarts and i also like to eat runts. it could trick a adult too caus it looks like real fruit but in baby size.

my not real mom named tracey schleirn buys me good for me cereal. this cereal is such dickkkkkk! she buys me good health cereal but she looks like a narwhal that just ate brian izzo!!!! LOL! THESE ARE THE SHIT THAT TRACEY TRYS TO MAKE ME EAT:

KIX - I HATE THEM! THEY HAVE NO COLOR OR CANDY. KIX is a SECRET ADULT CREAEAL!!!

MINI WHEETS - THESE WHEETS ARE FUCK!!! LOL THIS IS ANOTHER ADULT CEREAL!

OATMEAL - DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
my dad peter eats this bear shit!!! he is such a total dickkkkkkkk but my step mom tracey schleirn is even more of a bitch! she has all kinds of dumb ass fruits and dumb juice and she evens eats a huge mountain of adult shit everyday! one time tracey schelirn pooped so huge and it stunk up the downstairs and me and kmac were so grossed. after that we thought about making fun of her. but then we saw derrick and ellectracutted him. we took a knife and put it into his dumb baby hand and then we pushed him into the wall and the knife went in the power plug! LOL! he shot back 400 feet and broke the bath room door. he dived into tracey schelirns shit!!!! but he lived! tracey sat up and the knife flew right into her belly!!! LOL! KILLSHOT!!!!!
tracey schleirn cried and looked at me sad. i did a fake sad face and told her i would call the cops to help. i took out my razr and called. HAHA! but i didnt call the cops! i called the robbers!!!!!! then i left the house!! 20 minutes after then the robbers came and stole all traceys schelierns stuff and heathers and some of my dads. they also stoled derrick and made him into a baby doll for a little kid. and they also took a ninja sword and carved the word 'BOOBS' into tracey schleirns boobs! but it didnt hurt her caus she was already dead.

i was ok caus i took their money and built a house made out of lava. and no one could get to me. i also took my wii and some of my games. and my cds and my bed. it was a good day but not the best one. i also gave some money to poor kids so they can get a wii and i also boght some babes for me.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

first woodys

in math i was thinking about emily osments boobs and then that made me get a woody. then i thought about woodys. ONLY MY WOODY THOUGH! YOU DICKKKK! i wonder who the first kid ever to make a woody was. it was probaly a kid england caus they came here first. or maybe it was a indian from cleveland who was in the US before pilgrims came to the US. prob a kid saw polcahantas and got a woody and then maybe that is why indians always wear blanket underwear to cover there woodys. LOL DICKSSSSSS! that is probaly what happened. the indian was named bryan.
my first woody was cool too. i think i was a baby kind of. i dont remember it alot but i know i had a woody in 1st grade with stephanie caston. most kids prob dont even kno what was going on if they got a woody hten. but i knew. i dont think she knew caus i covered it with tyler valents folder. LOL! most kids wouldnt even kno to do that! i did!
after that time i got alot of woodys until i was 11 and then i got even more. i think kmac gets like 30 woodys a day but i always get 40. i think that alot of adults dont get woodys caus adults almost never sit down to hide them. my dad peter cuts our grass and washs the car and he runs around our track and he is always walking around or just being a dickkk standing. kids always sit down so there woodys are hided good. we eat our food and sleep and sit in school and play wii (unless you play wii sports).
stephanie caston is still hottt but she didnt make our hott list. she used to be not fat but now she is almost fat. i never get woodys around her now.

Monday, January 5, 2009

fox news - adventures of J and kmac 2


j and kmac saw george bush and he was getting ready to run them over with a chain saw car. j was smart and grabbed a kid (aiden daniels). aiden was crying like a little baby, but kmac punched him in the head with a knife and told him to shut up! george bush came at them fast. but j was ready and took aiden daniels and threw him into the saw. the saw got stuck and was broke by aiden's gay glasses. WHAT A FAGOT!!!
GEORGE BUSH was mad and he got out of his car. then he started to wrestle with j and kmac. aiden daniels was dead. kmac took out some jars of penut butter and jelly and threw them at george bush's dick and then j took out a knife in the shape of a dick and threw it into gerge bushs ass. bush was crying and he was hurt and his dick was really hurt bad. his ass was bloody too.
then he told j and kmac that he would free the kids if they let him go. kmac said that is a good plan and j said ok. bush signed a tax that freeed all the kids in the US. KMAC was happy but J wanted to be more happy. just then j looked at bushs pants and they were a gay fagot kind that J hated! ADULT PANTS!!! NO CARGO PANTS AND NOT BAGGEY KID KIND!!!! he whirled around and stuck a partical greenade into bushs mouth. then J said 'FUCK YOU OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
j and kmac ran and ran and then it happened. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! bush exploded and his head was gone and he was finaly dead. THE KIDS WERE FREE!!!! ADULTS ARE DUMB!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009!

hey fans. it is 2009 now! all my posts from now will have a 2009 instead of 2008. LOL!