Friday, January 30, 2009

TONIGHT



KMACS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM PROBALY TAKING MY WII AND SOME OF MY GAMES AND MAYBE 2 NUNCHUCKS. BILL COME!!!!!!. WE ARE GONNA GET FEDDERICOS AND WATCH DEVS WITH KMACS DAD. I HOPE MAYBE THAT HE GIVES ME SOME BEERS AND MAYBE WE CAN GET WILD. THE DEVS ARE PLAYNG THE GAY GAY PENGIUNS AND WE ARE GONNA DICK PUNCH SIDENY CROSBEY LIKE A TOTAL DORKZOID! MOST KIDS ARE SACRED OF A BEER BUT I AM ALWAYS READY TO DRINK ONE IF A ADULT IS SO DUMB TO GIVE ME ONE. KMACS DAD IS ALWAYS GIVIN A BEER TO TRY TO US. MY BROTHER ALEX ALWAYS TELLS ME THAT BEER IS SO GOOD BUT I AM TOO DUMB TO KNOW. BUT I THINK I KNOW AND HE ALWAYS HAS BABES SO MAYBE SOME BABES WILL COME TO ME IF I GET SOME BEER WHEN I AM OLDER. BUT STILL NOT A ADULT! THE ONLY THING I HOPE IS THAT FAT BILL DOESNT EAT ALL THE FEDERICOS AND IF HE DOES THEN WE WILL MAKE HIM PLAY WII FIT UNTIL HE LOSES 100 POUNDS OR IF HE FALLS OVER AND DIES CUZ HE IS FAT. HE WOULD TURN INTO A GHOST AND HANT KEVS HOUSE BUT PROB JUST EAT ALL THE FOOD!!!

MS. TOLLER = BITCHZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THERE ARE THINGS THAT I HATE!!!!!!! AND MY FANS KNOW THAT IT IS MOSTLY ADULTS!!!!!! BUT MY FANS DONT KNOW THAT I ALSO HATE TEACHERS!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE DICKS!!!!! AND BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!! AND DICK BITCH FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICKKKKKKKKKKKS!!!!
GO PROOF READ YOUR OWN DICK!! MRS. TOLLER IS A BITCH FROM BITCHZONE CASTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIFERENT KIDS WRITE DIFFERENT STORIES IN DIFERNET WAYS!!!!!!! NOT ALL KIDS ARE CRAZY AWSEOME WRITERS!!!!!! SOME KIDS ARE JUST NOT GOOD AT A WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEY ARE GOOD AT OTHER STUFF! MAYBE THEY ARE GOOD AT GAMING OR CAN MAKE A AWESOME WEBSITE WITH TONS OF FANS OR THROW A BASEBALL 100 MILES OR EVEN BURN DOWN A WHOLE TOWN!!!!! YOU DONT NEED TO WRITE TO HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!! AT BURGER KING YOU PUSH BUTTONS AND MAKE FRIES! AND IF U PLAY BASBEALL YOU JUST NEED TO THROW AND HIT!!!!! I AM NEVER WRITING ANOTHER DUMB COMPARE PAPER AGAIn! I WILL BE A BASBALL PLAYER AND NEVER HAVE TO WRITE!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Michael Phelps story

FANS, HERE IS MY DONE PAPER! THANKS! DICKSKKKKKKKKKKKKKS LOL

Jeffrey Paswick
Mrs. Toller
English 7
January 30, 2009

Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps is a world famous swimmer from Maryland and he is 23 years old. He was born in Baltimore and weighs 200lbs. He is most like a narwhal because narwhals are fast and so is Michael Phelps. In my story I will tell you about how Michael Phelps is like a narwhal and why.
Michael Phelps was born on June 30, 1985 in Baltimore, Maryland (Wikipedia). He is 6’4 feet tall and is 200 lbs. But he wasn’t that big when he was born. He is kind of like a narwhal because of that. Because narwhals are small when they are babies and then they grow big. Michael Phelps was about 2 foot tall and weighed like 30 lbs when he was born. When a narwhal is born it is 5 feet and is 175lbs (Enchanted Learning). That means that Michael Phelps is like a narwhal but not height wise and not when a narwhal is a adult.
Michael Phelps is a really good swimmer. He won swimmer of the year award 2006-2008 (Wikipedia). He can swim fast and so can a narwhal. They both like water a lot. But actually a narwhal is faster and a narwhal lives in the water. Michael Phelps lives in a house like a human. A narwhal can breathe underwater for 7 to 20 minutes (Enchanted Learning). Michael Phelps can breathe underwater for maybe 2 minutes and if he tried for 7 he would probably die because it has feelings and can be mad. When a narwhal is threatened it will ram its tusk into an other fish or a hunter/evil thing. Michael Phelps would need a sword , gun or a sharp knife to kill someone or another animal.
Michael Phelps also went to the University of Michigan for school and he even was in the Olympics in 2004 and 2008. He won eight gold medals in it. He was a college kid in Michigan and he learned about how to swim and read (Wikipedia). A narwhal cannot go to the University of Michigan because it doesn’t have ocean access. It has a big lake, but narwhals can’t read books and they can’t even fit into a classroom. Plus they would die from not being in the water.
Narwhals are very vocal creatures. As is Phelps, he spokesperson for many products; Rosetta Stone, Guitar Hero, Speedo. Narwhals are very social creatures. Phelps has been romantically linked to Carrie Underwood, Nichole Johson (2007 Miss California USA runner-up) and supermodel Lily Donaldson. The most noticeable trait about a narwhal is its long tusk. The most obvious thing about Phelps is the gold medals. The tooth is about 8 feet long. Phelps won 8 gold medals! Michael Phelps is sometimes bad and drinks beer. And then even some other times he will drink a beer and drive a car. A narwhal lives in the ocean so it can’t drive and it only will drink water (Hancock). A narwhal never drove a car and drank some beer.
There are a lot of good comparisons on Michael Phelps. In conclusion, Michael Phelps is really good and he is most like a narwhal more than anything else.

Bibliography
“Michael Phelps”. Wikipedia.com. 26 Jan 2009.
“Narwhal”. http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/whales/species/Narwhal.shtml. 26 Jan 2009.
David Hancock. “Olympic Champ Sentenced For DUI“.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/11/08/national/main654380.shtml. 26 Jan 2009.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

quincy


once upon a time there was a magical iguana named quincy and he was a reptile and he worked at sears. he had scales and also had green skin. quincy was like almost all iguanas but one thing was different. and that thing was that he liked to fuck human women. this sounds like a fake thing but it is not. quincy had a best friend who is named chester who is a rhino and is also a magician. quincy and chester would always go out to there friends houses and drink some beers. one night after quincy drank 2 beers he almost died and then he saw chesters sister who is a cat and is named pam. quincy tried to make a fuck with pam but he was hurt real bad. he didnt know that pam was actually wering a mask and she really is a cactus. quincy got cactus prickers in his dick and one was even up his dick hole. LOL quincy was better in a day after he met a dick doctor named dr.boner to patch his dick with some glue.
most iguanas dont have a dick. but quincy had 1. after he fucked pam the cat who was actualy a cactus he said he never would fuck a plant or a cactus again. and then he only fucked human women. the next day he went to tj maxx and saw 40 babes to fuck. he played the piano for 2 days straight and all these babes came around to see his dick. after 2 more days he stopped playing and then told everyone to be quite. everyone was quite and then he said it was hard to pick a babe to sex so he said he would let chester pick 1. chester picked a human woman named wendy. and then quincy had a fuck with her. the next day chester and quincy died. but not from oldness. they died caus they comitted suicide.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Michael Phelps Story


i had to write a story about michael phelps and compare him to something for english. the paper is due to turn in on friday. fans! leave some help!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

fans

I just want to give some props to my fans. here are some fan mails:

Anonymous
said...

woody's are fuckin sweeeeeet

January 9, 2009 5:15 PM

THANKS MAN! BUT I AM NOT A FAGET! BUT THANKS FOR BEING A FAN! :)

Anonymous said...

fuck you!

January 6, 2009 9:42 AM

YOU ARE A DORKZOID! AND A DICKK! AND A TOTAL FUCK! AND A DICKKKKKKKKKK!

Bri said...

jeff are u allowed to come tonight?????? txt me or call

December 31, 2008 8:39 PM

SORRY BRI, I DIDNT SEE THESE FAN MESSAGE TILL TODAY. I THINK I WAS BUSY



EMAIL FROM A FAN:

----- Reply ----

From: JEFFREY PASWICK <jeffreypaswick@yahoo.com>
To: Leslie Fezchern <lfezmom1972@roadrunner.net>
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2008 4:31:15 PM
Subject: Re: Jesus Loves You

LESLIE! THANKS FOR BEING A FAN! BUT I THINK U ARE A ADULT AND THAT MEANS YOU ARE A DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! MY WEBSITE IS COOL AND I HAVE TONS OF FANS AND DONT READ MY WEBSITE IF YOU HATE IT. YOU PROLY DONT UNDERSTAND IT CAUS YOU ARE A ADULT! TRY BEING A KID!
I HATE WHEN ADULTS TELL ME MY SITE IS BAD BUT I LOVE WHEN ADULTS GET STRUCK BY LIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!! DORKZOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----- Original Message ----
From: Leslie Fezchern <lfezmom1972@roadrunner.net>
To: Jeffrey Paswick <jeffreypaswick@yahoo.com>
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2008 9:18:17 AM
Subject: Jesus Loves You

Jeffrey or whoever writes this blog,
It saddens me to know that our world has come this far. I came across your blog today and I was completely astounded at the content. I really hope that you are not a 12 year old boy from New Jersey. Hopefully you are a much older warped person who has simply gone down the wrong path in your life. I can only pray that you will come to find your true purpose in life.

Keeping you in my prayers,

Leslie Fezchern

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"
- Romans 3:23














good cereal


hey dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks
i like to eat cereal but i hate when adults give me shit to eat cereal!
tracey schleirn is a bitch adult and she always gives me shit cereal!

these are my favs for cereal:

captin crunch - i like capntin crunch and its good to eat
trix - good to eat and most adults are dicks and think its good for you caus the fruits!!!!!!!! DICKKS!

corn pops - these are good! and they look like a piss shit rock!

i also like to eat shock tarts and i also like to eat runts. it could trick a adult too caus it looks like real fruit but in baby size.

my not real mom named tracey schleirn buys me good for me cereal. this cereal is such dickkkkkk! she buys me good health cereal but she looks like a narwhal that just ate brian izzo!!!! LOL! THESE ARE THE SHIT THAT TRACEY TRYS TO MAKE ME EAT:

KIX - I HATE THEM! THEY HAVE NO COLOR OR CANDY. KIX is a SECRET ADULT CREAEAL!!!

MINI WHEETS - THESE WHEETS ARE FUCK!!! LOL THIS IS ANOTHER ADULT CEREAL!

OATMEAL - DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
my dad peter eats this bear shit!!! he is such a total dickkkkkkkk but my step mom tracey schleirn is even more of a bitch! she has all kinds of dumb ass fruits and dumb juice and she evens eats a huge mountain of adult shit everyday! one time tracey schelirn pooped so huge and it stunk up the downstairs and me and kmac were so grossed. after that we thought about making fun of her. but then we saw derrick and ellectracutted him. we took a knife and put it into his dumb baby hand and then we pushed him into the wall and the knife went in the power plug! LOL! he shot back 400 feet and broke the bath room door. he dived into tracey schelirns shit!!!! but he lived! tracey sat up and the knife flew right into her belly!!! LOL! KILLSHOT!!!!!
tracey schleirn cried and looked at me sad. i did a fake sad face and told her i would call the cops to help. i took out my razr and called. HAHA! but i didnt call the cops! i called the robbers!!!!!! then i left the house!! 20 minutes after then the robbers came and stole all traceys schelierns stuff and heathers and some of my dads. they also stoled derrick and made him into a baby doll for a little kid. and they also took a ninja sword and carved the word 'BOOBS' into tracey schleirns boobs! but it didnt hurt her caus she was already dead.

i was ok caus i took their money and built a house made out of lava. and no one could get to me. i also took my wii and some of my games. and my cds and my bed. it was a good day but not the best one. i also gave some money to poor kids so they can get a wii and i also boght some babes for me.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

first woodys

in math i was thinking about emily osments boobs and then that made me get a woody. then i thought about woodys. ONLY MY WOODY THOUGH! YOU DICKKKK! i wonder who the first kid ever to make a woody was. it was probaly a kid england caus they came here first. or maybe it was a indian from cleveland who was in the US before pilgrims came to the US. prob a kid saw polcahantas and got a woody and then maybe that is why indians always wear blanket underwear to cover there woodys. LOL DICKSSSSSS! that is probaly what happened. the indian was named bryan.
my first woody was cool too. i think i was a baby kind of. i dont remember it alot but i know i had a woody in 1st grade with stephanie caston. most kids prob dont even kno what was going on if they got a woody hten. but i knew. i dont think she knew caus i covered it with tyler valents folder. LOL! most kids wouldnt even kno to do that! i did!
after that time i got alot of woodys until i was 11 and then i got even more. i think kmac gets like 30 woodys a day but i always get 40. i think that alot of adults dont get woodys caus adults almost never sit down to hide them. my dad peter cuts our grass and washs the car and he runs around our track and he is always walking around or just being a dickkk standing. kids always sit down so there woodys are hided good. we eat our food and sleep and sit in school and play wii (unless you play wii sports).
stephanie caston is still hottt but she didnt make our hott list. she used to be not fat but now she is almost fat. i never get woodys around her now.

Monday, January 5, 2009

fox news - adventures of J and kmac 2


j and kmac saw george bush and he was getting ready to run them over with a chain saw car. j was smart and grabbed a kid (aiden daniels). aiden was crying like a little baby, but kmac punched him in the head with a knife and told him to shut up! george bush came at them fast. but j was ready and took aiden daniels and threw him into the saw. the saw got stuck and was broke by aiden's gay glasses. WHAT A FAGOT!!!
GEORGE BUSH was mad and he got out of his car. then he started to wrestle with j and kmac. aiden daniels was dead. kmac took out some jars of penut butter and jelly and threw them at george bush's dick and then j took out a knife in the shape of a dick and threw it into gerge bushs ass. bush was crying and he was hurt and his dick was really hurt bad. his ass was bloody too.
then he told j and kmac that he would free the kids if they let him go. kmac said that is a good plan and j said ok. bush signed a tax that freeed all the kids in the US. KMAC was happy but J wanted to be more happy. just then j looked at bushs pants and they were a gay fagot kind that J hated! ADULT PANTS!!! NO CARGO PANTS AND NOT BAGGEY KID KIND!!!! he whirled around and stuck a partical greenade into bushs mouth. then J said 'FUCK YOU OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
j and kmac ran and ran and then it happened. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! bush exploded and his head was gone and he was finaly dead. THE KIDS WERE FREE!!!! ADULTS ARE DUMB!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009!

hey fans. it is 2009 now! all my posts from now will have a 2009 instead of 2008. LOL!